Love and hate. Peanut butter and jelly. Strong and weak. Straight and gay. Male and female. All of these things aren’t necessarily polar opposites; there’s no definite black and white. In Straightlaced: How Gender’s Got Us All Tied Up, Academy Award-winning director Debra Chasnoff explores the similarities and differences of gender and what teens think about all of it.

When I asked Debra what her favorite line in the documentary is, she said: “‘Why is it gay to ask yourself if you’re gay? You can’t win.’” And I couldn’t agree more. The film stresses that the stigma we have is just that—a stigma, the mark of disgrace or infamy, a stain or reproach. The only reason we have stigmas is that we choose to. We can get rid of a stigma just as easily as we create it. A stigma is changeable, but a person is not.

“I confess that before, when I would see teenage guys coming down the street in super-baggy pants and hooded sweatshirts, I would have a negative reaction,” Debra says. “Now I have so much more compassion for them. I understand why they feel so much pressure to carry themselves that way, and I have a sense of who they really might be inside.”

The film shows us that sometimes people do things because they feel pressured, and you can’t expect anything else if you go along with it. You want to change the way people view you? Change the way you view people. Straightlaced emphasizes that there isn’t necessarily gay and straight or male and female. There’s only what we want. Everything in life is a personal decision; you can’t let other people decide who you are.

And not everyone is who or what you think. It’s possible to be gay and straight, male and female. Just because people embrace different lifestyles doesn’t mean we shouldn’t embrace them back. So why did Debra want to make this movie in the first place? “At the most personal level, it was watching my two sons grow up. I have seen very directly how all the pressures teenagers get from this culture push young men to act tough, suppress their emotions, not get involved with activities they really might be interested in, objectify girls and shy away from anything associated with femininity or gayness,” she says. “I wanted to make a film that would help make it easier for people to talk more openly about these pressures and support each other to break free from them.”

Debra hopes that “it will lead to a lot more public conversation about gender-based pressures, particularly as they affect youth. I hope it will help a lot of people feel good about who they are and make a lot of other people rethink their attitudes and assumptions.” And if we do talk about it, whether in a formal setting or just a late-night chat with friends, we’re still talking about it, and that’s the most important thing.

I walked away from this film feeling that we control who we are and what we do. Acceptance is a cycle, just like life. You accept people; they accept you. This film embraces our differences, dislikes, sexual relations and lives and transforms them into a world in which we aspire to live. We shouldn’t treat others the way we want to be treated; we should treat them better. They will return the favor.

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Mike Lebowitz lives in South Florida with his family and imaginary friend Carl. He loves listening to music, going to the movies and hanging out with friends. He’s also an executive member of the JTab.